I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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