I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
