from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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