so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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