Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
