Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I fill condoms, not promises.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
