i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
thus making me awesome and them whores
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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