It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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