Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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