he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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