So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
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My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
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I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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