so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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