How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
