We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
