I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
