she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
