i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
