you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
