nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
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