I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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