I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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