Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize