the condom got lost in my hair
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
