My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
