he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
