Kareoke will never be a sober sport
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
