And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
