The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
