just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
