Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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