What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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