last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
