he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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