I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
i think my cat just said my name.
Randomize
