he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
