This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
