just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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