My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
