he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
