I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
