i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
