just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
