I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
