Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My pussy is not your playground.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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