She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
