He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
