i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
