I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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