She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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