Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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