I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
