he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
