my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
