I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
