Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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