Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
