Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
