Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
