remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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