I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
