May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
