There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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