Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
