So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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