Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
