Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
