I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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