My first STD was from a foam party
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
how drunk are you?
Several
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
