She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
