u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
