i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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