If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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