I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
being pregnant is like rehab
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize