Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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