She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
