Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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