I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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